What Have I Become?

I don’t know what I’ve become. Seemingly I’m a man without a mission; a ship without a sail. Almost 40, I no longer joke about men going through a mid life crisis. It seems that most men my age buy a fancy car. Trust me, I have looked for one. Covid saved me from the money dump as I watched prices skyrocket and inventory plummet.

I started a golf blog a few years ago (about 15 years after blogging lost it’s sizzle). I lost interest after catching COVID last year. Maybe it damaged (or repaired) my brain. Last month when it was time to renew my domain hosting contract I almost bagged the site. Interestingly someone contacted me on Instagram that week wanting to buy one of my golf gloves. He found my site and liked my logo. I sent him two free gloves and paid the $600 hosting fee for the next 3 years, my blogging transcending my business expertise.

Not Born to Run

Last month a friend told me to run a half marathon with him. I had sworn off running since 2008 after being embarrassed when Kelsey almost lapped me while running our first half marathon. In early August I started by running 3 miles, a feat I had not accomplished for the past 14 years. The next morning I could barely walk but “ran” another 3 miles, determined not to quit.

Last week I ran 7 miles, pushing my two kids in a jogging stroller. It was one of the more unpleasant experiences of my life. I woke up at 4:15am yesterday to run 4 miles before I went to work. A car passed me on the street. Fortunately I was facing traffic and jumped into a nearby field before it hit me. Apparently my reflective vest isn’t reflective enough.

Faced with the prospect of dying in the process I trudge forward. Another 8 mile run this morning leave me sitting on the couch icing my right knee. A previously detestable goal of running a half marathon has oddly become satisfying. Now, a little more than one month into training, I feel like I have already started to look forward to my runs. One thing I know for sure: running will not be what defines me.

Finally a Champion

Last winter Kelsey convinced me to pick up pickleball as a hobby. Add it to my list of old man sports that I am oddly reasonable at. I’m trying to convince Kelsey to start golfing so we have two things we can play together in our old age.

My brother Levi invited me to play a pickleball tournament with him last weekend. He put us in the highest bracket. We had no business winning, but went undefeated. Levi declares it one of the greater feats of his life and can now die happy. I agree.

A friend at work tried to convince me to start a pickelball blog, picklemd.com. Scared of what I may find if I searched that, I declined his offer.

Trying to Win

Gripped with the stark realization that I will never amount to much in golf I have nearly doubled the amount of rounds I have played this year only to watch my handicap remain stagnant, a solid 1.7, lost in the seas of millions of other great golfers. I still claim to be among the top 50 physician golfers in the USA and I would be happy if someone proved me wrong. Maybe then I could shut this site down.

Three months ago me and 4 other friends started a birdie competition. The first person to birdie every hole at Meadow Springs wins the prize money. Three of us have been stuck for weeks on trying to get a birdie on one remaining hole. Hole #9 at Meadow Springs is probably the easiest hole to birdie, but for some reason I can’t get the job done. Here is my latest attempt.

Who will I become?

For some reason this question haunts me. I once stated that I want to be known for more than just a golfer but somedays a golfer is all I want to be. That creed still holds true. I seriously doubt that my golf accomplishments (or lack thereof), attempts at running, or pickleball championships will make any difference in the grand scheme of life.

I am working on being more kind, especially to Kelsey and the kids. I smile when I talk to patients although they can’t see it beneath my mask. I think it makes a difference. Joseph B. Wirthlin once said something that has stuck with me for years:

“Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women I have known…Kindness is how a Christlike person treats others”

The Virtue of Kindness April 2005 (click on link to watch the whole talk)

About Me

I am a husband to an amazing wife, father to four beautiful kids, an above average golfer, a mediocre runner, and a champion pickleball player. I save people for a living. I believe that through Christ we can experience the true richness of life.